From this side of the fence

 

 

I made the ultimate mistake of expecting my 19th birthday to be a very typical, generic one.

Because apparently, THE PLAN was:


Go Hartz.

Eat for the sakes of dying children in Africa.

Go home.


But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A group of retards who i actually TRUSTED and ADORED just had to come ONE HOUR late (fuck i actually thought nobody was gonna show up ok) and half of said retards arrived with a fuckin PENIS CAKE. In the presence of MY PARENTS!

And just when i thought everything was gonna revert back to mundane normality, THEY go and tell me that THEY invited a certain SOMEONE to come along and surprise me. In the presence of MY PARENTS!

(Not that i'm complaining actually but at that moment it was very !@#$%^&*()**@$%#&$(&$^$!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine what unspeakable horrors my parents could have unleashed?? I shit you not, if they had their own way they would have him crucified like Jesus while i go into mary magdalene mode and cry my eyes out, then dry his bloodied feet with my hair.)

But yes I swear my friends are all secretly trying to murder me. And they're doing it through mental and emotional abuse so no one's gonna suspect anything.

WHICH IS WHY I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!! THANK YOU SO FOR MAKING ME FUCKIN HAPPY TO THE MAX THAT I NEARLY DIED!! BUT MARK MY WORDS, I SHALL HAVE MY VENGEANCE!! :DDDDDD

So anywayz we went to Little Lebanon after that so i could blow my unholy cake in peace.

Literally. -_-

Ordered a lemon mint shisha which also tried to kill me (and everyone else) cz it was just so fuckin TAJAM! I shit you not man. One puff is seriously like sticking a million needles down your throat simultaneaously.

But since we were all oh-so hardcore like those people who love to sit outside Medan Pelita, we didn't give a shit :D

See, half-breed? If you hadn't been such an ass, i wouldn't have let you miss out. Too baddddd.

HE





DELIBRATELY





FORGOT.




 

No birthday surprise, not even a cliche "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" wish. Nadda, nothing, zilch.

Honestly speaking this is just a small thing kan? He probably just got carried away or distracted or something kan??

SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE JUST KICKED MY NON-EXISTENT BALLS?

Maybe cz i was expecting you to do something so amazing/fucked up for my birthday that i would remember it til i die.

Or maybe cz i was hoping that i'd AT LEAST be significant enough for you to WANT to do something so amazing/fucked up for my birthday that i would remember it til i die.

Ever since 12 midnight, my phone has been spammed with phone calls and text messages from everyone on this goddamn planet! I swear, if Johnny Depp had my number he'd have called me up and sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY while doing his gay Jack Sparrow walk. And I even had friggin cupcakes delivered to my friggin doorstep at the ungodliest of hours ok! (which btw were orgasmic thanks Hatji :D)

But what was HE doing??

Installing programs for some stupid game. Which he has been playing for the past 34 hours. And is still playing. 

God, i don't know whether i should just laugh or cry.

But what i DO know is...This male specimen shall not father my children. No. Never. Eeeee.

Ok so i'm supposed to be all happy and gay and merry since today is like what, the 19th anniversary of the day of my birth?? But fuck I AM NOT!! In fact i feel like a sexually frustrated rhinoceros that has been force-fed gallons of Red Bull.

RAMPAGE RAMPAGE RAMPAGE RAMPAGEEEEEEE! *smoke comes out from Le Noseholes*

Of course he, the useless half-breed, doesn't know that flames are shooting out my ass even as we speak. Possibly cz stupidity is synonymous in nature to useless half-breeds like the one in question. And possibly cz my whale-like ego did not permit the disclosing of such goddamning information.

But what pisses me off most is that i'm actually pissed off by all this! Like Wtf! I'm supposed to be this untouchable goddess; a totally zen, mysterious, do-i-look-like-i-give-a-fuck rocker chick and here i am, behaving like an anal baboon! Fuck man, i'm so disgusted that he's finally succeeded in having some emotional power over me. So much so that even stupid things like this can fuck me up on the inside. ARGH!

I know right? I'm so wayang queen to the max that i make that Regina chick in Mean girls look like a Carmelite nun.

YAH BEETCH HATE ME ALREADAYYYY.

However, the only consolation is that i get to stuff myself to mental retardation tonight at Hartz Chicken with my sexay people. Yay for my fat-assness!

And i feel so much better already. :D


Note: This is just a spur of a moment rant which i will probably end up deleting cz i'm awesome like that. Also, i'd probably end up forgiving the fucker the minute he calls me out for a drink god i hate myself cz i can't be cool and heartless like Angelina Jolie why why WHYYYYY??

 

Its funny how the moment we started speaking in tongues, i knew this was just a matchstick combustion. And you're just not the one.

Even funnier that it was a Marilyn Manson song playing in the background.

At the end of the day, we both know you'll end up breaking my heart and i'll break your heart shaped glasses. Yet still you told me i should just close my eyes cz that blue was getting you high.

And making me low.

 

 

 

I was wondering if you had a second,

To talk about anything at all.

I don’t mind us looking like street thrash

As we lean against the wall

Side by side

Committing  slow suicide

With your Pall Mall lites.

 

Cz baby baby baby,

I’m electric when you’re with me.

 

 

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY??

Name: Christopher

Age: 17

Last seen wandering around Green Road aimlessly
before disappearing into a car driven by 2 suspicious individuals in gym gear.


If you have any information whatsoever on his whereabouts, Please call
013-800-IWILLBESKINNYEVENIFITKILLSMEBITCH.

Thank You.




 

1) Hog the skimboard all day and practice surfing the waves

2) Actually finish digging my hole to China. And push Jillian into it as planned. :)

3) Play more pool.

4) Convince someone to let me bury him/her in the sand, take pictures and laugh at them.

 

5) Eat more chicken wings.

6) Play 'jadi' at the beach till my legs cramp up and my lungs die from exhaustion.

7) Spend more time soaking myself in the pool.

8) Start telling freaky ghost stories around a BIGGER campfire.

9) Use more insect repellant. Especially around the legs.

10) Keep my mouth shut. Totally not mention it  AT ALL that night in the tent. Or ever.


 

 

I miss us. Come back soon guys.

 

 

Besides the fact that i used to look like a MALE linebacker, it still gets to me how similar the guy with the white towel is to Adrian. The same eyes, the same smile, the same quiet confidence. Even the same peculiarities. So no surprise that once upon a time, i was in love with Isaac Gawing. Wait, scratch that. Obsessed with Isaac Gawing. Simply because he reminded me of someone i used to know. A long time ago.

I don't eat doughnuts but i bought them anyway cz Isaac loved them. And cz i needed an excuse to see him at Starbucks.

I ran all the way to Chonglin in the rain to buy reload just so i could reply his messages.

The day he first asked me out shopping for Quiksilver slippers was the day i did my unta dance in public.

He said he works at Womex. And Sherry said Womex is in Pending. So i drove to Pending. And got lost since my sense of direction is non-existent.

The things i do, man. Stupidity and beyond.

 

 

 

 

There is nothing worse than the 1st week of a breakup.
1st week of a breakup is like the 1st time 2 guys have sex;
Awkward,
Boring.
And we keep telling each other we're doing it right.
Its a lie.

1st week of a breakup,
You're on my mind more than you ever were.
So i clean every inch of my apartment.
Clean my way into forgetting,
But then i find things i couldn't when we were together.
Your shirt,
Your favourite CD,
Reasons that i liked you,

Until my room reeks of your influence.

See,
i keep wanting to invite you over,
But Love can't live here anymore.
She might bring her children,
Jealousy and Neglect.
Those two run around my crib always breaking shit,
And i can't ever seem to clean up fast enough.

They tend to ruin romantic moments with questions and lies,
And i can see their children when i look into their eyes,
Its you and I.
Not sure when we had them but now,
They live in the next room.
Always barging in talking about how they're having nightmares,
And can they sleep with us too?

Jealousy dreams about deceiving so that's what we do.
Live out each other's nightmares,
Until we're in a bed full of problems.
And solving's not an option,
Cz the solutions are few.
Neglect kicks me in bed, talking about i don't love her like new.
And Jealousy...
I know how to take hold of that,

But both of them still look so much like you.

And i thought i'd be cool.
But i still see you on corners and in stores,
And in windows i'm passing.
And conversations and phrases,
And menus and laughing in traffic.

And song after song that they play back,
I know some of them are laid-back,
But the phrases they've written are sending me way back,
I can't take my day back,
Any type of song!

Yet yours would be on my tongue.

Its called apology but i would NOT drop the keys,
This is not for me,
This is how its got to be.

They say it takes twice as long to forget,
As it was to get to know.
So i'm sitting in my room talking about 6 days down
And 6 more years to go.

This is for all the women in the room
Who think that men don't burn
That when it comes to heart-break,
It is never our turn.

It don't matter who or what is to blame.
Cz in the 1st week after a breakup,
ALONE
Always feels the same.

-Rafael Casal-
 

 

 

 

 

I'm refering to myself as The Ex-wife just cz Zombie Bride sounds so... normal. Haha! My initial plan was to go as a MENTAL PATIENT but i couldn't find a straight-jacket.

But honestly, wouldn't i just look so god-damn awesome in this?

 

 

One is a hot hot hot PR student who has mad photoshop skills and a Catholic school girl uniform hidden somewhere in her closet. The other is a boner-inducing, bondage-fetish supermodel  who is also a freelance reporter to-be! We have sick private orgies in the sickest of places. Yea, i know you're a getting THOUGHTS now. Oh don't you just wish you could pimp it out like me? xD Well guess what? Not gonna happen. Not in this life-time. Cz they iz MINE and if you come anywhere near them...

 

I

WILL

CUT

YOUR

BALLS

OFF

AND

STIR-FRY

THEM

WITH

GARLIC

AND

SOY SAUCE.

 

Always end up with GIRLS who resemble

 

 

 

COME ON PEOPLE! What the fuck were you thinking???? Yes, i'm a bitter bitch but every time i see a corer-than-thou werewolf with a brainless cow, i feel like pulling off my armpit hair. Its a total crime against nature! Sexay, purely carnivourous male beasts should not be mating with cockroaches!! They are lower life forms that deserve to be killed off with SHIELDTOX! Okay that was mean. Therefore i sincerely apologize to the cockroaches for associating them with bimbos. :D

I'll admit that girls like that are usually extremely stunning. And guys just happen to think with their heads. Not the one with the brain inside, if you know what i mean. Yea sureeeeee, her ass is as tight as Clay Aiken's and she's got boobs the size of watermelons. Then again so do i! But sorry to say, thats about it. Cz underneath all that hair, make-up and scraps of fabric is nothing. Absolutely NOTHINGGGGG. Unless you're talking about air. Then yes, Bimbos have air. Lots of it. :) Now with all due respect, i'm not saying wanting to look good automatically makes you a bimbo. In fact, there are plenty of hot, beautiful women who happen to be INTELLIGENT. 

So to all the stoned vampires and werewolves out there, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE. Perfect creatures like YOU should be banging with raw, awesome GODDESSES like:


HER
 

 

 

 

 

Cz with me, you'll never go wrong bebehhhhhh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!