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Nov. 6th, 2008

The unbridled disgust of being human

mood: indescribable

I survived the ultimate mosh fest! The bands were psycho, the crowd was psycho.. Perfect combination! Its kinda hard to describe with words alone, but I'll upload pics of the gig as soon as i'm allowed to post them :D

Btw, something awesome is happening today. Once again, i shall leave u all in the dark until further notice. I'm such a bitch, i know.

UNRELATED RANT:

1) I may be naive, but i'm certainly not dumb. I see through your agendas and every move you make is more or less predictable by now. I know you're trying to get under my skin, mess up my equillibrium. Not sure why yet, but this must be some manipulative psycho-bitch thing. While i naturally choose not to give a fuck, don't push it. Seriously. Cz i dont forgive eassy and i don't forget either. i can be a manipulative psycho-bitch too.

2) I never thought i'd say this, not in a million years. But fuckin hell, i miss you. From the music, to pictures, the places, food, even random strangers; they all remind me of you. 5 mins ago, i typed out "Bored... Juh pondan-hunting!" on my phone, knowing that you'd call me gila and tell me go to bed instead. Then, i remembered I was out of credit. So much for the afterglow kan?

3) I wish you'd just understand me for once. I love it. Always have, always will and more than anything else in the world. I've never asked you for much. Every single piece of equipment i own, i bought with my own cash. Every single cent that goes to my jamming belongs to me. I earned it. So whether you like it or not, music is a huge part of me and attempting to snuff it out will only make me want it even more. I know you just want what's best. But who, what, where and how is irrelevant to me. Cz as long as i'm doing what i love, i'm happy.


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Oct. 16th, 2008

Territorial pissings of the incurable cam-whore

mood: amused
music: Saetia-Venus and Bacchus
1. Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right now.
2. Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair... just take a picture.
3. Post that picture with NO editing.
4. Post these instructions with your picture.
5. Tag 10 people to do this.


And so i was thinking, why put only ONE picture, when you can put MORE?







Easy, breezy, COVER GIRL! Kakakakakaka! xD And i tag anyone who reads this post!

Nothing much for now so i've decided to give in to my retard instincts WARNING. EXTREME GAY ACTIVITY UP AHEAD. IF YOU INSIST ON READING, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE EXTRA UNDERWEAR TO CHANGE INTO :D.

Nowadays, its like a trend in some blogs (especially joint ones owned by people who happen to be in a relationship) to feature MILLIONS of pics of:

The  HOTTTTTTTT girlfriend/boyfriend.

Well you know what? You people can start stuffing crayons up your asses cz thats NOTHING compared to MY gerekSSS. Yes, plural is correct. Meaning i get it EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN NIGHT FROM TWO PERFECT CREATURES WHO ROCK MY WORLD. No sleep for me. Or my neighbours, for that matter. :D We make the Karma Sutra look like a children's nursery rhyme book!




MEET MY SAYANGS!

One is a hot hot hot PR student who has mad photoshop skills and a Catholic school girl uniform hidden somewhere in her closet. The other is a boner-inducing, bondage-fetish supermodel  who is also a freelance reporter to-be! We have sick private orgies in the sickest of places. Yea, i know you're a getting THOUGHTS now. Oh don't you just wish you could pimp it out like me? xD Well guess what? Not gonna happen. Not in this life-time. Cz they iz MINE and if you come anywhere near them...
 

I

WILL

CUT

YOUR

BALLS

OFF

AND

STIR-FRY

THEM

WITH

GARLIC

AND

SOY SAUCE.
 
I believe we've developed a mutual understanding, haven't we boys?



*Yes and if any of you happen to resemble Johnny Depp, don't be afraid to drop us a line. We make exceptions :D*



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Jul. 30th, 2008

Where have all the cowboys gone?

mood: geeky
music: ALice in chains-Heroin




SURPRISE SURPRISE, bitches! My sewel collection just got a little bigger. Now a bit of sewelness is kinda hot, mind you. Think Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty. :D But this new found sewel is... just plain GILA!







The ZOMFG-I'm-in-your-living-room-and-i'm-about-to-butcher-your-mother kind of GILA!

Okay so maybe i over-exaggerated a little but i'm not going to go into details. The guy is FREAKAY. Unfortunately not in the bedroom kind of way, bleh. But to be honest the world could do with a little less of men who are the proverbial freak in the sheets. Some of you would probably go NOOOOOOOOOOOO and then go look for the biggest brick to bash my head with! But hey, most of these guys are fucktards AND YOU KNOW IT. Said males think with their heads. And i don't mean the one with the brain. :)

WOOPS! We're getting out of topic. xD

But oh yes, i attract the psychotic serial killer types. Har dee har har. I have no idea why though. Its like i have this huge billboard on top of my head that says,

FREAKSHOWS ARE WELCOMED HERE!

Not my fault. Birds of a feather flock together. WTF, DID I JUST INSULT MYSELF?

Graaaa this is how messed up i am right now.

Stupid Hibiscus Man. Why can't you be THIS obsessed with me too??????

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Jul. 22nd, 2008

And where's Charles Darwin when you need him?

mood: dirty
Ah Bengs and Ah Lians just got smarter.

Now, they know the meaning of ROFL and LMAO. They even know how to use it in a sentence. And yesterday i saw an Ah Beng with a Nirvana t-shirt and a beaded hemp choker around his neck!

The expression on my face could only be akin to this:










OMG if i see a blonde-haired monkey Cinabeng walking around with a Bunga Terung tattoo, i'm gonna walk up to him with a vegetable peeler and scrape it off! Its bad enough that they fuckin ruined crucifixes, preppy shirts, ripped vintage-ish jeans and Converse sneakers okay? Thanks to them i can't even looked at said items without my head wanting to be best friends with the nearest wall!

And now there's a possibility that they're are taking over the tribal department?????

Someone seriously needs to call pest control. The rats have mutated.

When my position as Queen Of The World finally becomes official, i shall painfully DESTROY and completely WIPE OUT the BengLian population! I will abduct them and their techno-blasting Kenari's and dunk them a gigantic container filled with hydrochloric acid! I shall squeeze lemons onto their eyes, then leave them in a gas filled chamber to die of carbon monoxide poisoning! Oh and stuff belacan up their upper thigh holes and burn them on a stake! I shall order them to be run down again and again with Monster Trucks in a gigantic Colosseum! But my favourite would still be this one:

I will stick acupuncture needles in them, put them in a gigantic pot of water and slowly make soup out of them.

At first, said BengLians will feel as though they're in a spa.

But then the water gets hotter and hotter and finally, they DIE!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *snort snort*

Ahhhhhhhh the orgasmic wonders of hatefests. I feel so much better now. :D I suppose that Ah Bengs and Ah Lians exist for a reason. They make everyone else look FABULOUS! So i end this bitchfit post with a gentle reminder to these Monokuro Boo-loving people:

YoU dOn'T sHeN cHI ok?~~ i oNlY pLaY pLaY oNlY mArHx. Hihi  loLx ^^ dOnT cHangE sTyLe LArX, LeAve dA trIbaL fOr tHe hOt pPL! LolX! ~~^^

Did i get your retarded lingo correct? xD
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Jul. 10th, 2008

JENG JENG JENG!

mood: artistic
music: Marilyn Manson-Rock is dead
FINALLY. After one whole year of waiting, i can now give in to my rockstar tendencies. For those of you who may have been living under a rock, Rainforest is TOMORROW, betches!!

For most people this would probably mean:





Hardcore moshing







Booze





Hotties



For 3 days straight!

But of course, Chrislynn Siaw is too immaculately behaved for that.

Chrislynn Siaw is a nun!

And therefore Chrislynn Siaw will hide away in a corner with a glass of chinese tea in her hand, and scream in terror when a sexay dreadlocked beast looks in her direction.

Stop laughing, you fool. I meant every single word i said.

NOT! :D

Now don't get me wrong, Rainforest for me isn't just all about getting wasted and then some. Its the music that i can't get enough of and frankly, its become more of a tradition since i've been going almost every year for as long as i can remember! Yea it gets pretty expensive but trust me, its worth all your crisp bank notes with the Agong's ugly face on them. Besides, its the only awesome thing that happens in Kuching! Pathetic, i know, but thats how deprived we are.

On a random note, i hope the toilets are clean this year. It annoys me to the point of inexplicable madness when i happen go into one previously occupied by uncivallised neandarthals who can't aim properly. Like wtf, is your ass that big that it completely exceeds the potty hole range?? Yes, i know the interior of the cubicle sucks but redecorating every inch of it with your ass crap isn't gonna make it any better!

Bleh some people just dont respect the sacredness of the porcelain throne. Off with their heads!

I love the toilet. Apparently its my muse. I shit you not. xD That's why sometimes i bring in a pencil and a notebook in case i have an epiphany. And also because boring ba when you wait for the shit to come out! So might as well i do something productive, right? xD

Which reminds me! 2 days ago i had a moment of inspiration while i was shitting my sorrows away in the toilet. I suddenly had this Industrial-ish tune in my head which i just HAD to put some words to! So in the mean time, i practiced my Death Growl first and guess what? It sounded AWESOME! Holy crap! I was so proud of my retarded self that immediately showed off my new skill to Aaron! Then i went online and recorded my growl for Anne and my hoes. Haha! FYI i DID wash my hands, okai?

Please wait for the proof of my sexiness to load. Thank you.



Oh and did i mention that Aaron and Sherry attempted to growl too? xD



Ahhhhhhh i love our gayness! Wanted to get Doreen to growl too but her sister was sleeping. Wouldn't want her to get nightmares now would i? :D

LOL you know i just find it so amusing to realize that i started this post with Rainforest and ended it with my toilet activities! xDDDD

Ok i shall shut up now. :)
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Jul. 4th, 2008

BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?!

music: Matchbook Romance-Over and over



Ahhhhh memories of my 1st Bears and Babies (retard code. don't ask.)  with my hoes and the boys.  Yes this is what happens when OKUs gather together. FYI its called SEXII TIME. :D  And now for some reason, i suddenly just miss them all so fuckin much..

Graaaaaaaa.

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Jun. 27th, 2008

I iz woodcutter and i iz needing AXE.

mood: crazy
music: Jimi Hendrix-Purple Haze
Call me an ungrateful little nose picker but there are many things in life i wish i had. To keep it simple stupid, i shall begin by wishing i had more MONEY so i can BUY.......





THIS





Ohmahfuckengad my inner Daron Malakian had a screaming orgasm when i saw this. Its an ESP LTD AX-400 and its just so unbelievably MONSTER that i would sell a fuckin kidney to have it!! Kudos to Ibanez! Now i'm no guitarist, so maybe i should just stick to my drums and shit. But hey, even guitar noobs know a 6-stringed work of art when they see one! I'm just so tired of those cliche' guitars with the last season Strat body style that everyone seems to have nowadays. And yes Gibsons are awesome but have you seen an Ibanez ESP model lately??

I don't know about you guys but i'm IN LOVE with the designs on the fingerboard. Oh and according to Guitar World its got EMG-81 active pickups which means you could shred away like a motherfucker  and every note would still be crystal clear! Somebody get me a scalpel right now!

Of course the alternatives to kidney selling would either be:

1) Marrying a dying millionaire.

Nevermind if he's liver-spotted, wrinkly and is confined to his high-tech bed. The guy's nearly dead! Even Viagra won't help him now! Ooooh i wonder does this do! *pulls off life support tube* WOOPS!

2) Seducing a guitar shop tauke.

Blehhhh desperate times call for desperate measures. The least i can do is probably find a cute one to boink. Be right back, i'm going to fetch my whip and cuffs and get my thong on! xD

Or maybe i should just seduce the werewolf.

LALALALALA.

For now i shall just pray. Pray for money to drop from the sky.
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Jun. 25th, 2008

STICKAMER OF THE MONTH

mood: amused
music: Incubus-Anna Molly
Celaka, aku sik dapat nganok miak asing seorang tok sesuka hati, sebab ku dah padah ngan nya ku ada blog! Paloi, nak? Sik ku tauk kenak ku berik nya link juak. Disebabkan itu, aku mok klakar dalam bahasa sarawak kinek tok, okai? Mun aku nganok dalam inggeris takutnya nya paham ba.

ANYWAY...

Aku mula bermember ngan cinabeng tok akhir minggu lepas ka, mun sik salah ku? Masa ya ku bersexii time di Stickam ngan Anne, pompuan paling gai di dunia. xD Si sepet ya tek masok live Anne lalu mula berklakar ngan mek orang la. At first, aku rasa nya nang lawak gilak tapi lamak-kelamaan... start la nya tunjuk ciri-ciri kesewelan! Of course la aku takut, nak? Korang pikir normal sik mun laki random slalu mok berwebcam sik tentu pasal la, nulis IM pelik-pelik la, AND... merajuk mun kau klakar ngan orang lain? Baru 3 hari jak nya dah SEWEL kedak ya! Aku sik bulak, pok!

Nok paling menakutkan ialah hari tok bila nya tiba-tiba madah i love you lalu nunggah aku jadi gerek nya! Nya madah eventhough nya muda dari ku 2 tahun, nya masih boleh MEMBAHAGIAKAN ku! HAHAHAHA! Aduhhhhh, aku nang tetak sampei terkentut!! Sekda ku mok ber-baby love ngan miak cina nok baru berumor enam belas tahun! Especially nok berasal dari TAIWAN. ZOMFG. Ah Beng land!

Eh terlupak aku bagi korang nangga muka skibang nya.




THIS IS CLARK.


Orang tua zaman dulok slalu madah pompuan kedak bunga nok cantik dan harum, nak? Sooo, bunga ya slalunya pandei guna madu untuk attract laki LEBAH, nak? Tapi ku sik paham la. Technically, aku bunga juak. And madu ku bukannya berbeza ngan nok lain. Perkara nok menghairankan ialah sekda pun species lebah hensem ka macho ka nok menghampiri! Laki nok datang bertengek depan aku... blehhh sik tauk giney mok madah la.  Dah la muka jaik, kedak beruk. Prangei pun kedak beruk juak!

Graaaa aku rasa diri ku tok bunga jenis Rafflesia la. Lalat jak nok slalu carik aku. Haih...

PESANAN DARI PENAJA: Berhati-hati mun korang berchatting kat Stickam, terutamanya first timer. Iboh layan gilak laki atau pompuan nok confirm kenja dan ada SEWELITIS ngan kau. Jaga, kelak nya embak parang lalu ngagak carik kau!

Kinek tok, aku dah tauk giney perasaan Anne. Mun kau baca post tok, YOU IZ THE VIRUZZ! xD Kau ingat sik Jordan nok guna screen name h8theblacksheep ya? Ohmahfuckengad aku sik kisah langsung mun nya mok bersewel ngan aku! ROFL.

Ya jak nok mok dimadah.

Weeeeeee!
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Jun. 23rd, 2008

Dumb and Dumber: When Harry met Lloyd.

mood: dirty
music: Orphee-Rebirth

Steff and me make a pretty good combination. We're both so alike that its not surprising that we got lost yesterday. THREE FRIGGIN TIMES to be exact! Yes i shit you not, that is apparently how retarded we are.

The first time was when we wanted to go to Waterfront from Medan Pelita. We walked one whole round around the damn building only to realise it was just opposite!

Second time was when we had a tre hardcore moment and decided to go on a sampan ride with the sampan apek and 3 tekangs! The initial plan was to visit Fort Magherita but when 2 people with absolutely ZERO sense of direction explore together, its bound to fail. We passed a school and ended up in a construction site after following the arrow signs that say FORT MAGHERITA. No matter how far we walked, we still couldn't find the stupid fort! Instead we landed in this police flat sort of area! Something funny happened between us and this guy standing next to a truck.

STEFF: Excuse me, do you know how to get back to the school from here?
TRUCK GUY: You two chinese ar?
STEFF AND ME: Yes!
TRUCK GUY: *starts speaking gibberish from China*
ME: Errrr...
TRUCK GUY: *gibberish continues*
ME: We don't understand Mandarin.
STEFF: Yeaaa..
TRUCK GUY: *constipated look*

In the end we found our way back to the jeti and returned to Waterfront safe and sound.


The third time was after watching Made of Honour at Medan Pelita. Since neither of us have ever been to Havannah, we went there thinking that it was an eating spot. It turned out to be a bar.


-_________-


I know right?

The most embarrassing part was the fact that we managed to get lost inside there even! We thought we could go upstairs and sit so we climbed up this rickety set of stairs. The suddenly the waiter appeared and was like;

"Miss, atas tidak boleh. Itu stor room!"

Ohmahfuckengad it was hilarious but MALUUUUUUUU to the max i tell you! Oh well everbody has their beruk-from-the-jungles-of-Borneo moments. I'm so never EVER going to go near that place again!

Graaaaa.

 At least i had a crazy ass friend to get lost with. :D
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Jun. 12th, 2008

Blink once and you miss it

mood: enthralled
music: Jacques Brel-Ne Me Quitte Pas




Finished this book i borrowed from Azuar the Wawa. FYI it is NOT an erotic romance novel with hilarious graphic descriptions of the female anatomy. Mountain of Venus, hah! Instead, its tells of a different kind of love between 2 people who have never technically 'courted' in the realistic, waking sense. The book was kinda thin in my opinion but i figured maybe that's why its just so powerful. I was moved to the point that i read it twice!

Also, I'm obsessed at the moment with Ne Me Quitte Pas by Jacques Brel. I love the part that goes:

I shall invent senseless words
Which only you will understand.
I shall tell you about those lovers who saw twice
Their hearts go up in flames.
I shall tell you the story of this king
Dead for having not succeeded
In finding you.
Don't leave me
Don't leave me,
Don't leave me,
Don't leave me,

Honestly if a guy sang this song to me i would die. Check this out and you'll see what i mean. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KjdjsFf-l4
Yes, there's a disgustingly mushy side of me that should never EVER be indulged, in case i start blathering like a senseless hippie.

Which is PRECISELY what i'm about to do. :)

There are many things that i believe in.

I believe that if you get on all fours and spin around on your bed 3 times, you create an invisible barrier that blocks nightmares.

I believe in miracles.

Most of all..

I believe that everyone deserves a shot at happiness, and with that same intense faith i believe that there is such a thing as love at first sight. You just have to look up at the right moment. And while i still think that marriage is irrelevant, 'forever' is so much more than a time frame. Its more like selling yourself to slavery or signing your life away to a loan shark and not giving a damn. When you should, because you know its a one way ticket to hell.

The only problem with forever is it seems to get shorter by the second.

Maybe this is what life does. It messes with your head and sucks out everything that matters. It chokes you. Slowly. And before you know it, you're so jaded that you can barely tell the difference between anything. Or worse, you die, surrounded by the family members who later grapple over your left-behind fortune. Loved, yet so alone. The irony.

But everyone deserves a shot at happiness. ;)

Currently reading The Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare. Kudos to the Mad Hoe for supplying me with the literary works of that sexay dead man with the peanut-shaped head. xD
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Jun. 6th, 2008

When i'm nervous, i stuff my hands into my armpits and SMELL THEM.

mood: crushed
music: Nice stupid playground-Bedroom Window
I'm stuck in a ruck.

I know what i want and i'm not afraid to get what i want. I even have enough mo-nehhhhh to pay for what i want.

But every time i think of the tedious after-care of my new tattoo... i just go bleh. I have to leave it covered for the first 4-6 hours and then wash it with the disinfectant soap thingy every 15-20 minutes. Soaking is a big no-no and i have to frequently apply vitamin D ointment. All this isn't just for a day or two, okai? Its 2-3 FRIGGIN WEEKS! ZOMFG! And as if that wasn't bad enough,  some peeling and possibly a little scabbing will occur. To get rid of this i have to apply warm moist compresses to the scabs for about 5 minutes 2-3 times a day to soften them and they will eventually come off on their own. And did i mention that i might start ITCHING too?? WTF?! Yea, its a sign that the tattoo is healing but... i'm trying to keep all this a secret from my parents. Wouldn't all the strange cleaning habits and excessive scratching like i've got fleas attract their attention?

Graaaa i iz wanting to stick a crayon up my nose now.

MOVING ON....

The Ngajat Werewolf and Jack Sparrow's Malaysian clone was spotted at The Spring today!! This is unfairness to the max! Why do they only appear from thin air when i'm not there to rape them?!

Lulz i shall control myself before someone calls the police. :D
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Jun. 4th, 2008

Agi idup agi ngelaban!

mood: blank
music: Carnifex-Dead again

Since its Gawai week, I shall now pay tribute to my Sarawakian heritage by attempting to blog in Bahasa Sarawak.

Sebagai miak Sarawak nok sejati, kitak orang sure tauk 4 hari lepas Hari Gawai, nak? Mun sik tauk, lantak tiang jak la. Muahaha! As the story goessss... auntie ngan uncle kamek nok balit dari KL madah mok pulai rumah panjai di Saratok. Chun chun LKW pun one week break so kamek nyuruh sidaknya embak kamek sekali. Buntut nang sah kemek sebelah sebab duduk dalam kereta selama 4 jam, pok! Sekpa la mun taik sik dapat keluar, asalkan boleh ngrirup tuak sampei beroooha-oooha! LULZ. Anywayz, kampung nang bes gilak! Sekda air heater, sekda air-con, semua pun sekda! Kamek rasa kedak miak Tarzan ya! Hari-hari main ngan beruk sebab dah boring nangga manusia dari bandar. XD Sebelum kitak orang salah paham, orang Iban nok tinggal kat kampung tok nang tribal TAPI sidaknya masih makei menda kedak tv, kipas, kerusi dan meja la. Ada juak family bertogether-gether nangga Astro. Kamek sik bulak! Takkan pancong palak orang jak kerja nok dimolah nya, nak? Kinek tok dah tahun 2008, paloi.

Ok, hampir 3 hari kamek di sia... kamek dah:

1) Nangga orang nyembelih manok hidup-hidup. Besa la, upacara Miring nang gelik tapi interesting juak!

2) Makan babi utan, panggang-style.  Mun sik pernah cerik tok, kitak so not the sexay

3) Kemeh dalam semak sebab sik tertahan gik.

4) Minum tuak sampei sik ingat apa-apa the next morning.

5) Mandik makei air sejuk. Yarabi, terjerit-jerit kamek kedak orang kenak rogol!

6) Blajar giney mok klakar dalam bahasa Iban. "Dini alai jamban?" Haha! xD

Ya jak yang dapat dipikir kamek setakat tok.

But honestly speaking la, kamek kecewa sikit-sikit sebab laki Saratok semua sik boleh pakei! Menar! Iboh salah paham, kamek bukannya jual mahal ka apa ka. Harta kamek sik pandang. Muka... Not all the time la. Sumpah! xD

Tapi mun dah harta sik pandang..

Muka nang kedak siput, therefore sik dapat dipandang langsung..

Prangei macam keribang..

Giney mok berik peluang??

Ok la, sorang duak jak nok boleh tahan. Unfortunately... sik boleh polah bukan-bukan sebab technically, miak berdua tek 'sepupu' kamek!
ROFL! Overall, Gawai celebration kamek tahun tok ROCK KAPAK TO THE MAX.

That is all. I'll post some pics up as soon as i get them from my auntie :D

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May. 23rd, 2008

Tommy Lee, this one's for you.

mood: accomplished
music: Kittie-Paperdoll

I finally got my fangs/snakebites today!!!!!!  AHEM.
















 I don't care what Mr Alex thinks! I'm so gonna rock my presentation tomorrow!

Werewolf-style. :D

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May. 9th, 2008

Don't drop the soap!

mood: okay
music: Right Said Fred-I'm too sexy for my shirt

Today shall forever be remembered as The Day Of Sexay Cibainess.

Why?

I experienced my very first car accident. Ohmahgad ohmahgad ohmahgad. :D

*FYI i was nowhere near the steering wheel or the accelerator for that matter. I can drive perfectly because i finally figured out how to use the magic stick! I like it when the blinkity arrows appear and it makes the 'tik tik tik' sound as you turn! Weeeeee!*

Now don't get me wrong, car accidents are extremely bad things and people can get seriously hurt from crashing into other cars, trees, stupid humans and cows. Sometimes, the crashers and/or crashees die instantly. Unfortunately, most of them don't and end up as bedridden vegetables.



Personally, I like cucumbers. They are long and firm. :)


But me, Mag, Nat, Alicia and Anne were lucky. Eventhough the car was on fire and we were trapped with glass splinters embedded into every inch of our skin, we knew we couldn't give up! So we started kicking against the doors until they finally gave way. And so, the 5 of us escaped from the flaming wreckage of a Proton Wira unscathed, living long enough to die another day!

Ok, that would be my inner fiction writer and her truckload of bullcrap again. I'm such a drama queen. Get use to it.

Actually, the Wira didn't combust into flames. And there was definitely no splinters and what not to pierce myself with. I iz not emo. All the car got was a few scratches and a broken headlight. The Toyota van that we hit only had a minor dent and crack to the bumper. So how did it all happen? Well, allow me to go back to the very beginning of things.

Once upon a time, there were 5 retarded princesses who had no life. All of them were extremely beautiful, but Princess Chrislynn was the fairest one of all. One day, Princess Natalie and Princess Alicia had to go to a strange, enchanted land called Labuan and they were NEVER coming back. Until they had semester breaks, of course. And so, the 5 of them decided to have a little farewell gathering.  Since Princess Alicia was the only one who had a personal carriage (an ugly Malaysian-made one in the shade of grey.), she drove them all to Cilipadi for a hearty meal. There, they saw 3 orgasmic Turkish princes with well developed guns.

Time passed and soon, they were finally ready to journey into the treacherous labyrinth of LASER TAG to slay an evil Ah beng ogre. They had their suits of armour on and their weapons were READY AND ABLE for action. Ahhhh but unbeknownst to the princesses, the Ah beng ogre had cleverly swapped duties with another ogre, thus leading them into a horrible trap! Unspeakable doom awaited them as they entered the darkened room.... And suddenly! The new ogre sprang out from a corner and started attacking them! He was smaller, faster and screamed like a girl but still he was no match against the combined super powers of the 5 princesses!

They emerged victorious and were allowed to proceed to their next destination: PARKSON GRANDE. The sun was shining and the wind was blowing. Everyone chatted away happily in the carriage as they waited for the magical traffic TORCHES (they dont have electricity in medieval times ba.) to turn green. There was a big, white, Toyota peasant cart in front of them and it refused to budge when it was time to go. Unfortunately, Princess Alicia did not realize this and drove headlong into the cart. There was a BANG and everyone screamed "Oh, FUCK!"  in unison. It was obvious what had happened and there was no time to run away. The furious peasant woman lept out of her cart and began speaking in tongues to the bewildered children of royalty. It took them a while to figure out that she was actually talking in MANDARIN. Being uneducated in the ways of chinese peasants, Princess Chrislynn left the task to Princess Magdalene who fluently translated the gibberish into plain English. Princess Alicia was badly shaken so they comforted her the best they could as they waited for her father to arrive. It didn't take long for King Not-so-sure-what-his-name-is to make his grand entrance. He smoothly settled the situation (with a little help from the family's treasure chest) and so everyone lived happily ever after.

THE END.

I have to admit i was pretty scared when it all happened. And to think that we were just about to move from the traffic light. Imagine what would have happened if we were speeding!




Oh look! Vehicle porn!


Thank God no one was hurt or anything, especially those 2 who had to leave for Labuan tomorrow. And at the end of the day, we realized that there was even a funny side to the whole thing. It was probably some sign indicating that they should stay in Kuching and grow fat with us! And someone should seriously go and buy Toto or 4D or something! Who knows, we might even hit the jackpot! :D

Yeah so the car isn't as sexay as it used to be, but that doesn't matter as much. I'm not just saying that coz its not my car and all. Honestly i believe that there was some divine intervention at work today. What if we went faster? What if the woman was an Ah Beng gangster instead?

You tell me.

But i still feel extremely guilty about the whole thing. If we hadn't asked Alicia to drive, none of this would have happened. I'm so glad she's calm and feeling better now. At one point i just got so frustrated with myself for not being able to cheer her up. So if you're reading this Mammal, i just wanna say again that i'm really really sorry and i'm willing to be your chauffeur for the next hundred years or so. Just don't make me wear that kinky hat. It makes my face look fat. And you and Papan better not forget your SHUN or i swear i keel you both! I iz spam your phones with calls and smses. Muahahahaha!

Walnuts FTW!!
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Apr. 18th, 2008

Shockamahlife.

mood: sick
music: Yellow Submarine-The Beatles


I iz offended. Actually that would be an understatement. I iz BOILING WITH RAGE. And right now, i just want to butcher something. 

Something long. 

Something firm. 

Something that is joined with something else. 

I've already got a whole sadistic, but delicious recipe planned out in my head. First, I shall slice it off with a parang. One quick WHOOSH and its off. Then, i'll chop it into 8 pieces, making sure every piece has the EXACT same thickness and proportions. After that, i'll mince it, fry it with 2 beaten eggs and then have it for dinner!! MUAHAHAHAHA!


Oh and by the way, i was talking about Taiwanese Sausages. What the heck were you thinking? :DDDDD



Don't they just look orgasmic? :D

 

Now back to me being offended and boiling with rage. I went to Think in Motion today to buy a sketch pad and refill for my pens. All went well until the part where i had to pay for my stuff at the counter. The sales assistants were nice enough. They put the things neatly in the plastic bag, tied it up and handed it to me.

And then....

"Thank you. Come again, sir."

SIR.

Ohhhhhhhhhh i wanted to KEEL the bitches. Seriously. But this isn't the first time something like this happened. 2 years ago, a similar incident happened at Hopoh while i was getting my ears pierced.

CT stands for Cinabeng Tauke and Me is me. Okai?

ME: *cringes* Will it hurt?
CT: No laaaaaaa... maybe a bit but like ant bite only. *loads stud into gun thingy*
ME: Are you sure?
CT: Ya. You tong move arr. Later i soot long place.

*PAK!*

CT: Ok liao! Not so bad, light?
ME: *still jumping around in pain* Aiyo, still have to do the other ear, what.
CT: *looks blur*
ME: You DO know i want to pierce both ears right?
CT: *long pause* But BOY do only one side bo....
ME: *even longer pause* I am a GIRL.


-__________-



What the fuck is wrong with these people?? Do i have to take my clothes of and FLASH them to get them to believe? I AM FEMALE. I checked! I can even prove it! You see the two round things on the front of my chest? They're called BOOBS.

B.O.O.B.S.

They're not just there for decoration purposes, ok? No i did not put tissue paper or stuffed toys or oranges in my bra, you mindless fools! And i most certainly didn't swallow a whole bunch of estrogen pills or whatever shit they use nowadays! Say that to my face and i'll shove the bottle up your ass! My boobs are REAL and ALL NATURALE. They developed ON THEIR OWN when i reached puberty. So have i made myself CRYSTAL CLEAR, retards?

Graaaaaaaaaa sometimes i just want to stop shaving my legs, grow a 9 inch penis and change my name to Bob.


Yo. I'm Bob.


I do sexii time with my mother-in-law. You like?


If i was a guy, i'd definitely score with the ladies! Look at that sexay face! They'll be queuing up to bonk me doggy-style! NOTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

FYI, those pics of me were taken when i was still convinced that my balls would grow sooner or later. Yes, i was a dyke. A STRAIGHT one, but yea. Not gonna deny that. But thats all in the past. And i just realised that i look like a friggin ugly pedo rapist or something! i've got a MOUSTACHE for God sakes!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!


Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. Tralalalala~~~







I IZ GIVE YOU HAPPY FACE! LOL i just HAD to put these up! xD But one thing's for sure, i've changed. I'm no longer the weird tomboy with the low self-esteem. Now, i decided that i'll be the Queen of Hawaii. :) Sure, my face still looks like a monkey's butt. But there's plastic surgery for that anyways!

Oh oh and before i forget.

"Beef Noodles taste like Mee Sapi, right?"-INTAN (bukan nama sebenar).

:D

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Apr. 11th, 2008

I wear a sock on my head.

mood: high
music: Jaded-Aerosmith


Alex had a dream last night.

Alex dreamt of Saddam Hussein.

Alex refused to tell us anything else.

"My dreams are mine, and mine alone!" -Alex Geraghty, lecturer, barbequed his cat and mother-in-law.


O.O



Wtf, when he mentioned this and i was soooo tempted to ask him some stuff that instantaneously found their way into my tainted lil head.

Where were you two in the dream?

What was Saddam wearing?

Did you barbeque him?
 
Ahhhhhh, we shall never know.

IN OTHER NEWS..... Vj Utt is gay. Not as in HAPPY sort of gay. Gay as in Elton John gay. 



" God save the Queen! And rainbows FTW! "


Sorry girls, but its BROS BEFORE HOES for Utt. Yes, I can already imagine his underaged and undersexed groupies screaming in horror as they bang their heads on the wall! They're probably burning their TVs and MTV merchandise outside their houses! As for me, i was just about ready to jump into the Sarawak River.




Eat me now, Bujang Senang!! EAT ME NOW!!!!!



Oh well, life must go on. Vj Utt has found someone worthy enough to screw him all night long. And guess who's the lucky bastard man.





Ohhhhhhhhh i predict another session of screaming and head banging. For God sakes, people. PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER. Hurting yourself isn't going to make them any more straight. For all we know, theycould be fucking each other stupid this very instant! Ewwww disturbing thought. Which brings me to my next point.

WHY IS THE WORLD SO AGAINST GAYS?

Seriously, why? What the hell is wrong with liking someone of the same gender? Why does society expect every single damn thing to be straight?

Straight lines.

Straight hair.

Straight people.

Its a straightness fetish i tell you. Next thing you know, they'll be telling you to straighten your pubic hair! Now dont get me wrong, i have nothing against rulers, Pantene shampoo and good ol' heterosexual fucking. And FYI i am a STRAIGHT GIRL. Yea thats right, hot boys make me horny. But what i hate is the discrimination certain  people have towards others who may be slightly different from them. Shtooopid humans. Go suck my non-existent balls.

Maybe i should just shut up now. Afterall, God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

Who am I to question The Big Guy, right?

But what if gay people can't help being gay? Some are actually born that way. Others, well they just like playing dress-up.

TOO MUCH.

But it is an absolute GOSPEL TRUTH that most gay men are the hottest things on 2 legs! I shit you not. The normal guys should actually learn a few things from them. For instance:

A DAB OF COLOGNE IS ALL YOU NEED. NOT THE WHOLE BOTTLE.


IF YOU HAVE A POT BELLY,  DONT WEAR TIGHT CLOTHING. THE BUDDHA-IN-CALVIN-KLEIN-SUIT LOOK IS SOOOOOO NOT SEXAY.


UNLIKE ROBINSON CRUSOE, YOU DO NOT LIVE ON AN ISLAND. SO SHAVE. AND I DON'T MEAN JUST THE HAIR ON YOUR FACE.

I'm such an upper thigh hole. So i'll say no more.

And in the mean time, i shall drool over Utt one last time before i hand him over to the rainbow community. So long, Husband No.25... I wanted to bonk you in the shower but now i never will. LOL i can be so disturbing sometimes. :D

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Apr. 7th, 2008

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

mood: horny
music: Counting sheep therapy-Curing Chrislynn. Google it!

I want to rape him. No need for you to know who. i just have to do it NOW! Before someone else does it! Trust me, there are at least 10 other girls who want to do the exact same thing!! And there are about 30 more who want to rape him first and THEN take his kidneys!!

 





 Time is of the essence! So why am i still sitting on my ass, blogging?! I shall get my whip and cuffs!


 

Moving on to a less disturbing topic.

TATTOOS ARE THE SEXIEST THANG SINCE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK CONDOMS.

What's not to like about tattoos? They look good and they're actually useful. Allow me to explain.

One day, you were happily walking to Waterfront. I don't know why you would even go there in the first place but its pretty obvious that you have no life. And since you have no life, you are most probably a smelly Tekang with yucky hair that hasn't been washed since the dinosaurs died. The road was packed with cars that day but of course, you, being a tekang, naturally decided to run across blindly like a mad chicken. Come to think of it, the deranged bird would probably have more sense then you. So off you go and suddenly a Lorry appears from thin air and you run headfirst into it. The collision was impak maksima and so your head falls off, rolls away and gets squashed by another car. Your dick is butchered and your body has been severed of its arms and legs. Now, even your own mother wouldn't recognise you. I was about to add in the bit where your brain becomes nothing more but puree but then again, you didn't have one in the first place.

AH BUT WAIT!

A few days before that you tattooed your name on your ass because you're so stupid that you even forget who you are sometimes! The Police are able to identify your remains and your family are able to bury or cremate or recycle you into fertilizer. And so, everyone lived happily ever after.


See what i mean? For my 18th birthday (which is on the 14th of June *hint hint*), i'm going to get a tattoo done! I dont care what you people say! Its MY skin so if i want to puncture it then i will! Of course they sterilize the equipment,  you fool! Do you know how many people they poke everyday? Things covered in dried blood are so not sexay unless you happen to be an Emo.





So don't start talking to me about Hepatitis B and Aids. If you want it that badly, go fuck a hooker! I'm sure you'll find plenty loitering around at CERTAIN places which shall not be mentioned here (Kuching is a happy happy city falalalala~~!).

"Eeeeeee..... but its going to hurt reallyyyyyy bad..." says you as you start to faint. Well no pain no gain! If everyone was so bothered with pain then there would be no such thing as butt sex! And as much as it hurts, a tattoo probably wont be as bad as having my balls cut off with a parang, right?

Oh wait, i don't have any balls. :)

ANYWAY...

My mind is made up. I just have to get my parents to agree! :D
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Mar. 5th, 2008

Deja Vu

mood: confused

I have no idea why i still bother. Its scares the shit out of me that i've become so dependant. Especially when i dont even know where all this is going.

"He'll find you over the top".

"That's putting it minorly".

"You'll get tired of him".

"But would that still matter?"


Shit, i need a talking hangover hobby kit to remind me how fuckin cool i am. Now.


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Feb. 20th, 2008

Out to kill Mr. Sand Man

mood: awake

Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

I had the sickest, freakiest, most realistic nightmare ever in my 17 years of sleeping like log. Now FYI, i don't usually dream of things that scare the piss out of me. Instead, my dreams tend to be very weird, hilarious or action movie-like (with BM subtitles some more) and more often than not, they involve people i don't even know!

Blame it on the sub-concious mind, but I only get nightmares when i've been watching yet another Japanese horror flick about a long haired ghost-woman who can do nothing except...

1) Make weird sex noises.
2) Molest people in their sleep.
3) Pull victims up the ceiling with her disgusting hair.
4) Crawl down the staircase like a demented slug
5) And if all else fails, call their cellphone. Do sex sounds. Then hang up.

ENOUGH with the cliche-ness already! What's with the 'lady with LONG HAIR' thing? It discrimination against bald people, i tell you!

What ever happened to the good, old school movies of giant lizards eating cars and destroying the city?!




I AM GODZILLA! *humps building*


Ok i just realized that i kinda side-tracked from my original idea to blog about my dream last night. Anyway, i dreamt that i was out in the open ocean. It was just me, the rain and the waves. When i mention 'waves' i don't mean the kind you get at Damai beach. I'm talking about huge, come-tsunami-and-drown-us-all kind of waves. The shit that made the whole thing so scary was how real it felt.

An intense chill numbed me to the core as i flailed about to keep my head above the water. The merciless waves towered over me, practically blocking out every source of light before crashing down on my body. Not only was i pulled under by the force of the waves, i was tumbled about like a dirty rag in a washing machine. It hurt like hell. And the worst thing was i didn't know where the pain was coming from. I can't tell you how much sea water i swallowed. Or how much i was forced to breathe in. I wanted so badly to just throw up but i couldn't.

I was basically fighting to stay alive, knowing that if i stop trying to keep afloat, i would drown. The whole process repeats itself over and over again for God knows how long. Huge wave comes,  gets dark, i go under, then i come up again. At times, i would be pulled so far down that i practically swam for my life. It was like some sick race where no matter what, i just had to get to the surface. Before the oxygen in my lungs get used up. Once, I ran out of breath when i was only half way up. And that, was the scariest part of all. I don't even know how to describe it. I remembered at one point i was just silently screaming as more water entered my lungs, eventhough i knew no one would help me, or even hear me. The only thing that was running through my mind was " I don't want to die, i don't want to die. Please don't let me die..."

Well, that was what my dream was like. I don't know when or how i woke up but my clothes were seriously soaked with my own sweat and i was so scared to go back to sleep. I ended up walking around my house. And it was like what, 5.00 in the morning?

Just now i googled 'dream interpretations' and i found this website that supposedly tells you what your dreams mean. So i typed in 'Ocean' and this was what i got.

To see an ocean in your dream, represents the state of your emotions and feelings.� It is indicative of some spiritual refreshment,� tranquility and renewal.

Hah! Tranquility and renewal my foot! The only thing i got was a sweaty ass and hydrophobia! And speaking of which, right now i'm so afraid to take a bath or even to have any contact whatsoever with all forms of liquid! ZOMFG!


I tried 'Drowning' instead and got this.


To dream that you are drowning, signifies that you are overwhelmed by emotions or repressed issues that is coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts. If you drown to death, your relationship will fail or you will suffer major business losses. If your survive the drowning, then your relationship will be rescued by some intervention. You will rise to a higher position of wealth and honor.

To see someone drowning in your dream, suggests that you are becoming too deeply involved in something that is beyond your control. Alternatively, it represents a sense of loss in your own identity. You are unable to differentiate who you are anymore.


Hmmmm...something i might want to keep in mind. As for the prohecy part, the problem is i can't remember if i died in my dream or not! Wait, do i really even want to believe in all this bull crap??


Nah. Save it for someone who gives a damn.


 

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Feb. 18th, 2008

10 men i wouldn't kick out of bed

mood: horny
music: Gimme more-Britney Spears. My stripper theme song. LOL!

#10  MARILYN MANSON


 

ZOMFG. I would either have to be paid, drunk, stoned, on my death bed, or ALL OF THE ABOVE  to even want him in the first place! What guy in the right mind would prance around on stage. In a corset. And a ballerina tutu. Damn, the dude has some serious gender issues. 

And that my bitches, is H.O.T.

Oh don't mind me, i just had a can of beer. Bippity boppity boo. :)






#9  WILLIAM SHAKESPEAR




Yes i know. He is dead, half bald, has a head shaped like a peanut and has less fashion sense than your grandmother's handbag. But love is blind! And there's always plastic surgery! :P Ok looks aside, this guy is just so fuckin romantic and frankly, he writes awesome poetry!

Shakespeare=bad ass. Period.





#8  TINKY WINKY




I'm not so sure if this counts because a Teletubby isn't exactly human. Oh to hell with that, Tinky Winky is the sexiest thang since Elmo! Yeah I dig fuzzy blue aliens with handbags. They iz METROSEXUAL. I can already imagine us doing manicures, going on shopping sprees and exfoiliating at the spa before heading back for some quality girl talk over hot chocolate.

Shit that can't be right. Tinky Winky is GAY!!

GRAAAAAAAAAA!!




#7  ADRIAN JIRAM





There. You're on the list.  YOU HAPPY NOW????????




#6  PHUA CHU KANG




Hah! Betcha didn't think he'd make the cut! Well, SAPALISE! ('surprise' in ah beng-style) xD Contractor by day, nose-picker by night. Yellow boots never looked this good! Combine that with a killer sense of humour and you get an authentic cina bukit stud with bird's nest hair. o.O  Eh don't pray pray ar. Phua Chu Kang is best in Singapore and JB. And some say... Batam!






#5  TOMMY LEE





I love him. I love him i love him i love him I LOVE HIM. Technically, he's old enough to be my dad but do i look like i friggin care??

Oh Tommy, oh Tommy..
The one and only.
I go into a daze,
When i see your botox-ed face..



A gentle reminder to Pamela Anderson:
Your boobs are fake. Yes they are. So you better back off from MY man, betch or i'll pound you til they be coming off fo sho!






#4  JAMIE OLIVER




He had me the day he made Chocolate Clafoutis with caramelized oranges. Oh. My. God. There's nothing sexier than a guy who can cook. And i don't mean in the mee-maggi-with-fried-egg sort of sense. I, for one, can't even turn on the stove without burning my house down. And did i mention that Jaime has a HOT BRIT ACCENT?

Ah, don't you just love the accented men? :)





#3 LUKAS ROSSI




As most of my friends already know, i have this thing for men who excessively use eyeliner and other make-up. FYI i don't mean clowns and drag queens, mind you. Instead, i reserve my passions for animal impersonators such as Lukas. Due to the horrendously dark circles around his eyes, he iz sexay Racoon/Panda/Sloth. LOL, i'm turning into a zoophile!





#2  NICK SIMMONS



Ladies, i present to you the orgasmic son of Gene Simmons, the most kick-ass Glam Rock superstar ever. He is 6 ft 7, wears tribal shit, has a band called The Electric Chairs and can do his dad's tongue waggle. Can somebody just SHOOT ME NOW?! I'm drooling. And hyperventilating. And fainting. While typing.

Fuck. I want to marry this awesome bastard!!







AND FINALLY...



#1  JOHNNY DEPP

 







I have only one thing to say to this HOT BEAST.


I WANT YOUR BABY!!!

Savvy? ;)


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