From this side of the fence

I dont get it. I just dont. So could somebody please explain to me, why BOYS who look like

THEM

 

TODAY IS OFFICIALLY THE DAY OF GAYNESS.

Livejournal is a gay piece of technology. It wont let me change my font and shit, for some gay reason.

My car door now has a gay scratch. Cz i opened it too wide and it hit a gay wall.

I thought i saw Philip at Goh Say Lak, so naturally i smacked the guy's back and yelled "Hey!". Then he turns around and i realise its NOT Philip. GAY GAY GAY GAY.

Some Kuching drivers are just so gayyy that they and their gay cars should be banned from the roads.

The Jonas Brothers are gay. Nuff said.

But you know what's the GAYEST thing of all?

The fact that my gay retards left cz the gay hoildays are over.






GAYYYYYYY.

SURPRISE SURPRISE, bitches! My sewel collection just got a little bigger. Now a bit of sewelness is kinda hot, mind you. Think Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty. :D But this new found sewel is... just plain GILA!






The ZOMFG-I'm-in-your-living-room-and-i'm-about-to-butcher-your-mother kind of GILA!

Okay so maybe i over-exaggerated a little but i'm not going to go into details. The guy is FREAKAY. Unfortunately not in the bedroom kind of way, bleh. But to be honest the world could do with a little less of men who are the proverbial freak in the sheets. Some of you would probably go NOOOOOOOOOOOO and then go look for the biggest brick to bash my head with! But hey, most of these guys are fucktards AND YOU KNOW IT. Said males think with their heads. And i don't mean the one with the brain. :)

WOOPS! We're getting out of topic. xD

But oh yes, i attract the psychotic serial killer types. Har dee har har. I have no idea why though. Its like i have this huge billboard on top of my head that says,

FREAKSHOWS ARE WELCOMED HERE!

Not my fault. Birds of a feather flock together. WTF, DID I JUST INSULT MYSELF?

Graaaa this is how messed up i am right now.

Stupid Hibiscus Man. Why can't you be THIS obsessed with me too??????

Doreen's at Seremban now. Which mean 1/3 of The Pies is on another plate at the moment. Its just not gonna be the same, you know? I just hate it when people go, especially when it means having to leave me behind to miss them like hell..

No matter! I shall SPAM her phone until it malfunctions! Ahhhhhh the wonders of having the same Celcom line. :D And if anyone dares bully Doreen i'm gonna fly all the way there and stick a fork up their asses!

Graaaa.


I now feel the sudden urge to talk about Hibiscus Man. Don't ask me why we call him that. And no, he does not look or act like a monkey's butt! In fact, said beast happens to be HOTTTTTTTTTT and he's the very reason i'm STILL doing that damn Unta Dance! I love everything about the bastard. His eyes, his voice, his sense of style, his hair. Ohhhhhhh yes definitely his HAIR. One minute its all bad-ass rockstar but when he bothers to comb it, he looks so artsy fartsy Harvard. LOL!

But since its been like 2 weeks, my level of WHIPPED-ness has gone down. So now i just have sewelitis and i don't miss/think of him THAT much. :D

But the only time i don't think about Hibiscus Man AT ALL is...

During church.

HAHAHAHAAHA @ THE IRONY!

But hey, i'm fuckin serious, okay! The minute the church bells start ringing all perverted thoughts of Hibiscus Man just evaporate! I have no idea why! Ooooo I think i'm finally connecting with my inner nun here.

So I shall find myself a sexay priest and elope with him to the mountains! xD

Oh btw, ants decided to build their nest in the box where i keep all my shit. It was fuckin disgusting man! A swarm of ants moving these little egg larvae things around, and their fat-ass queen giving me the look of death like, "OFF WITH HER HEAD!!" I was so grossed out that i took my dad's disinfectant thingy and sprayed the little buggers with it! Most of them kinda curled up and died. Then i made Aaron wash out my box. Ahhhh the power of The Older Sibling. Muahahahaha!

I mean WTF, its bad enough that the lizards won't leave me alone!

And speaking of said reptiles, i think they stalk me. Everytime i go into the toilet or bathroom, there will always be this HUGE lizard lurking about in the corners, waiting to ambush me! Its a sick conspiracy i tell you! They stare at me and then they TSK TSK TSK at me while i shit my sorrows away. Ohmahfuckengad creepy to the max. A lizard even fell on me once! Naturally i screamed like a motherfucker and ran out of the toilet. Bleh. 10 years off my life for sure.

I just don't get it. Seriously. Lizards, now ants.


DO I LOOK LIKE ELIZA THORNBERRY OR SOMETHING?!




Now don't get me wrong, i love animals. The sexay Werewolf and his underaged cub, for example. Just not the perverted toilet stalking types that fall on you. Or the ones that attempt to bling out your accessories with their eggs.

K. I shall go harrass Hibiscus Man now. Chaow!

Russell Peters is like a gift from the heavens, sent to make racist betches like me laugh my boobs off.

So for those of you who don't like him, you are GAY.



GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!









No offense, to the REAL homosexuals who may be reading this :D

Celaka, aku sik dapat nganok miak asing seorang tok sesuka hati, sebab ku dah padah ngan nya ku ada blog! Paloi, nak? Sik ku tauk kenak ku berik nya link juak. Disebabkan itu, aku mok klakar dalam bahasa sarawak kinek tok, okai? Mun aku nganok dalam inggeris takutnya nya paham ba.

ANYWAY...

Aku mula bermember ngan cinabeng tok akhir minggu lepas ka, mun sik salah ku? Masa ya ku bersexii time di Stickam ngan Anne, pompuan paling gai di dunia. xD Si sepet ya tek masok live Anne lalu mula berklakar ngan mek orang la. At first, aku rasa nya nang lawak gilak tapi lamak-kelamaan... start la nya tunjuk ciri-ciri kesewelan! Of course la aku takut, nak? Korang pikir normal sik mun laki random slalu mok berwebcam sik tentu pasal la, nulis IM pelik-pelik la, AND... merajuk mun kau klakar ngan orang lain? Baru 3 hari jak nya dah SEWEL kedak ya! Aku sik bulak, pok!

Nok paling menakutkan ialah hari tok bila nya tiba-tiba madah i love you lalu nunggah aku jadi gerek nya! Nya madah eventhough nya muda dari ku 2 tahun, nya masih boleh MEMBAHAGIAKAN ku! HAHAHAHA! Aduhhhhh, aku nang tetak sampei terkentut!! Sekda ku mok ber-baby love ngan miak cina nok baru berumor enam belas tahun! Especially nok berasal dari TAIWAN. ZOMFG. Ah Beng land!

Eh terlupak aku bagi korang nangga muka skibang nya.




Orang tua zaman dulok slalu madah pompuan kedak bunga nok cantik dan harum, nak? Sooo, bunga ya slalunya pandei guna madu untuk attract laki LEBAH, nak? Tapi ku sik paham la. Technically, aku bunga juak. And madu ku bukannya berbeza ngan nok lain. Perkara nok menghairankan ialah sekda pun species lebah hensem ka macho ka nok menghampiri! Laki nok datang bertengek depan aku... blehhh sik tauk giney mok madah la.  Dah la muka jaik, kedak beruk. Prangei pun kedak beruk juak!

Graaaa aku rasa diri ku tok bunga jenis Rafflesia la. Lalat jak nok slalu carik aku. Haih...

PESANAN DARI PENAJA: Berhati-hati mun korang berchatting kat Stickam, terutamanya first timer. Iboh layan gilak laki atau pompuan nok confirm kenja dan ada SEWELITIS ngan kau. Jaga, kelak nya embak parang lalu ngagak carik kau!

Kinek tok, aku dah tauk giney perasaan Anne. Mun kau baca post tok, YOU IZ THE VIRUZZ! xD Kau ingat sik Jordan nok guna screen name h8theblacksheep ya? Ohmahfuckengad aku sik kisah langsung mun nya mok bersewel ngan aku! ROFL.

Ya jak nok mok dimadah.

Weeeeeee!

I'm in the mood to be an upper thigh hole now.

Recently, i was annoyed by a certain dickhead who shall remain annonymous for specific reasons. I probably have no right to judge him in the first place. But have you ever disliked someone and you don't know why? All it takes is one look and you know you'll hate his or her guts for the rest of your life. Well thats how it is with me.

Apparently, this rat from the sewers had the nerve to bitch about stuff that had nothing to do with him in the first place! I mean wtf you're not even from the same planet , you mindless Ah Beng! And don't get me started on his scumbag sense of humour or his porno pictures. Trust me, if you thought mushrooms and paramecium were the lower life forms, think again.

Every time i see this dickhead, I go into sadistic Oompa Loompa mode. i feel like pulling off all his pubic hair. I want to stuff belacan up his ass and grate him to pieces with a vegetable grater. I want to stuff his head into the toiletbowl. I have delightful fantasies of me flatenning him with a steamroller. And would you believe it if i told you that someone like him actually has a girlfriend? A pretty one, for that matter?

Oh well. Less available jerks=More single hotties. :D


Nothing much happened today. Me and Doreen had to go around getting ppl to fill our MCS survey on sex. Sherry couldn't go because she was too busy resting her tired legs at Wings. The hoe made the cut! They were narrowing it down to the last 5 female models and she got picked. We iz impressed! All she has to do now is kill some braincells so she can catwalk like Naima The Grrrr.



So terpaksa la the both of us go to St Joseph and St Teresa secondary school. Definitely a good experience. My Bahasa Sarawak speaking-skills are getting better! Oh oh and we cuci mata!!! There was this ang moh kid and i think he's around 16. Omg yes, i know its WRONG TO THE MAX but that boy was so the panas! And anyway, there can only be one outcome when a Perverted Oompa Loompa meets the Sexually Frustrated Pirate Woman:

PEDOPHILLIA.

Luckily we didnt add in The Mad Hoe. It would probably become:

GANG BANG.

We iz bad animal. Doctorr say, it not norrmalz. :DDDD Ahhhhh he was blonde, green-eyed and AND he had a cute German accent. 3 irresistable combinations in my opinion. And it didnt help the fact that he kinda looked like a cross-bred product of Jude Law and Chris Martin!





Okay so maybe i over-exaggerated a teensy weensy bit but thats basically a rough description of our underaged German hottie. I iz wanting to rape his ass now. :)  Damnnnnn we should have just kidnapped him and brought him back to campus! Then we sexii time on camera and we can call the video, "ONE NIGHT IN LIMKOKWING".

Okay okay i'll stop now before someone washes my mouth with chlorox and holy water. I should even make it a point to go for confession. I can already see myself kneeling in the dark confessional, baring my soul to the priest.

"Bless me Father, for i have sinned. I had orgasmic thoughts."

"And did you entertain them?"

"No Father, they entertained me."

I'm sooo gonna go to hell. :D

 Today was the AIDS One Life thingy which the LKW students volunteered for. It was pretty fun and they gave us free condoms. So now, we are READY AND ABLE. :DD

Unfortunately, some retarded butt-ugly mutated balls motherFs decided to steal the hoe's phone. I hope someone butchers them and flush the remains down the toiletbowl. I mean wtf, don't you have anything else better to do?? Like buttsexing or whatever it is you drag queens do. And why her phone?? Its the most so not the sexay gadget ever! Steal la my prehistoric VINTAGE one so i can get a Nokia N82!!

Alex had a dream last night.

Alex dreamt of Saddam Hussein.

Alex refused to tell us anything else.

"My dreams are mine, and mine alone!" -Alex Geraghty, lecturer, barbequed his cat and mother-in-law.

Wtf, when he mentioned this and i was soooo tempted to ask him some stuff that instantaneously found their way into my tainted lil head.

Where were you two in the dream?

What was Saddam wearing?

Did you barbeque him?
 
Ahhhhhh, we shall never know.

IN OTHER NEWS..... Vj Utt is gay. Not as in HAPPY sort of gay. Gay as in Elton John gay. 

Sorry girls, but its BROS BEFORE HOES for Utt. Yes, I can already imagine his underaged and undersexed groupies screaming in horror as they bang their heads on the wall! They're probably burning their TVs and MTV merchandise outside their houses! As for me, i was just about ready to jump into the Sarawak River.

Oh well, life must go on. Vj Utt has found someone worthy enough to screw him all night long. And guess who's the lucky bastard man.

Ohhhhhhhhh i predict another session of screaming and head banging. For God sakes, people. PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER. Hurting yourself isn't going to make them any more straight. For all we know, theycould be fucking each other stupid this very instant! Ewwww disturbing thought. Which brings me to my next point.

WHY IS THE WORLD SO AGAINST GAYS?

Seriously, why? What the hell is wrong with liking someone of the same gender? Why does society expect every single damn thing to be straight?

Straight lines.

Straight hair.

Straight people.

Its a straightness fetish i tell you. Next thing you know, they'll be telling you to straighten your pubic hair! Now dont get me wrong, i have nothing against rulers, Pantene shampoo and good ol' heterosexual fucking. And FYI i am a STRAIGHT GIRL. Yea thats right, hot boys make me horny. But what i hate is the discrimination certain  people have towards others who may be slightly different from them. Shtooopid humans. Go suck my non-existent balls.

Maybe i should just shut up now. Afterall, God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

Who am I to question The Big Guy, right?

But what if gay people can't help being gay? Some are actually born that way. Others, well they just like playing dress-up.

TOO MUCH.

But it is an absolute GOSPEL TRUTH that most gay men are the hottest things on 2 legs! I shit you not. The normal guys should actually learn a few things from them. For instance:

A DAB OF COLOGNE IS ALL YOU NEED. NOT THE WHOLE BOTTLE.


IF YOU HAVE A POT BELLY,  DONT WEAR TIGHT CLOTHING. THE BUDDHA-IN-CALVIN-KLEIN-SUIT LOOK IS SOOOOOO NOT SEXAY.


UNLIKE ROBINSON CRUSOE, YOU DO NOT LIVE ON AN ISLAND. SO SHAVE. AND I DON'T MEAN JUST THE HAIR ON YOUR FACE.

I'm such an upper thigh hole. So i'll say no more.

And in the mean time, i shall drool over Utt one last time before i hand him over to the rainbow community. So long, Husband No.25... I wanted to bonk you in the shower but now i never will. LOL i can be so disturbing sometimes. :D

As technology iliterate as i am, i know enough to realize that the The Internet has been tainted by perverts, fakes and spam.

I was too scared to hijack the plane today. Damn, i miss those two sexay retards already.. =(

Tung Tung Chiang season has taken a toll on my original resolve to stick to Theme No. 3: CONTROL.


I just couldn't lay off the keropok. Steff had to make matters by giving me TWO jars of her grandma's glorious Achah!

FINALLY. After one whole month, i got to see Stephanie Bong. I took a few hours off from work and me, Steff and Ah Dong met up at The Spring for some quality hang out time. It was fun to just wander about aimlessly! Ah Dong was a bit quiet today tho but laughed and made witty comments at the most appropriate of times :)  Steff and me on the other hand jabbered non-stop about almost every random thing under the sun. It was like she never left! We practically talked our jaws off! Not a speck of saliva was wasted!

THINGS THAT I WILL NEVER EVER LOOK AT THE SAME WAY AGAIN

1) Titanic (you know, the movie about the ship that hit the ice cube berg?)
2) When you're gone-Avril Lavigne
3) Toy bears :P
4) Automatic sensor-equipped sinks
5) "Eastern Oxygen"

I won't to elaborate on any of these. It's just complete madness that isn't supposed to make any sense :)

COMMIT

Yes, i'm still sticking to the senseless themes i keep talking about in my blog. I think that sort of COMMIT-ment to a faithless cause is already an achievement on its own. Yay for me!!



On a more spiritual note, its time to go back to COMMIT-ting my life to the only one who knows me best. God. Don't worry, i'm not about to run off to Carmelite and take my nunly vows of complete chastity and utter boredom. Its just that i realised you only get as far as your own two feet can take you. The rest of your journey depends on free piggyback rides from The Big Guy. :)



And as much as i loathe the situation i am in, i've decided to continue COMMIT-ting to my present job until tomorrow. Just for the sake of not 'dropping' my mum's 'water face' as she puts it. Where the heck does she get all this?? But I think its like the direct English translation of menjatuhkan air muka. =.=

ITS BLACKMAIL I TELL YOU!

Yeah i know my boss is your friend and all, but shouldn't i be allowed to quit because i want to?? Woman, you have sold your own daughter to slavery!

Its been 2 days since i started my anti-shit detox program. So far so good!

You're probably wondering what the hell this whole thing's about. Well to put it in short, i'm attempting to put my life back on track by living out 5 themes for 1 month. And since i have nothing better to do but bore you all with my new found Zen-ness, i shall blog about...

CREATE

That's one of the themes i'm supposed to stick to. Basically, i have to take it on myself to initiate, while still maintaining a sense of creativity and realism. Yes it all sounds so freakishly proactive and mature and OLD! I scare myself. But if i don't start doing something, i never will. I can no longer depend on others to make me feel better about myself.

And so far, i have been CREATE-ting a lot of things :)

For a start, i recently CREATE-d my own, personal, bank account. Muahahahaha!! From now on, that's where my salary is going. Before i whip out my atm card and take it all out, of course. Ah, the glorious smell or material wealth! :P