From this side of the fence

Yes, there's a disgustingly mushy side of me that should never EVER be indulged, in case i start blathering like a senseless hippie.

Which is PRECISELY what i'm about to do. :)

There are many things that i believe in.

I believe that if you get on all fours and spin around on your bed 3 times, you create an invisible barrier that blocks nightmares.

I believe in miracles.

Most of all..

I believe that everyone deserves a shot at happiness, and with that same intense faith i believe that there is such a thing as love at first sight. You just have to look up at the right moment. And while i still think that marriage is irrelevant, 'forever' is so much more than a time frame. Its more like selling yourself to slavery or signing your life away to a loan shark and not giving a damn. When you should, because you know its a one way ticket to hell.

The only problem with forever is it seems to get shorter by the second.

Maybe this is what life does. It messes with your head and sucks out everything that matters. It chokes you. Slowly. And before you know it, you're so jaded that you can barely tell the difference between anything. Or worse, you die, surrounded by the family members who later grapple over your left-behind fortune. Loved, yet so alone. The irony.

But everyone deserves a shot at happiness. ;)

Currently reading The Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare. Kudos to the Mad Hoe for supplying me with the literary works of that sexay dead man with the peanut-shaped head. xD

Today was sexii time at Permai with Pirate Woman, Hoe and Jacob! I love beaches. The salty smell of the air, the grainy sand, EVERYTHING. But the best part of all would be the sea. I could just stand there forever with the water up to my knees, and let the waves break over them in ripples. Cleansing of the soul as Jacob would say. Now usually i run around like a psychopath on steroids, screaming as if i own the place! But today we had good, sane fun; the kind where you just sit on the rocks together and either space out or crap about anything that comes to mind. As much as i hate to admit this, i realized that i'm actually afraid of crabs. There was this big-ass one that i found extremely fascinating (the Hoe practically jumped out of the water when she saw it) UNTIL.. it scurried towards my rock! The bastard! Well naturally i started screaming like a motherfucker, hoping that the crab would die of shock or something! Fat chance. Thank God it went back to wherever it came from in the end. :D

CONVERSATION SNIPETS OF THE DAY

Me: *points to where SEPW and Hoe are soaking* Let's go play over there!
Jacob: But its raining.
Me: So?? Its the same here and you're already wet, what!
Jacob : But.... its raining!


Sepw: All the high-class hermit crabs are here!
Me: Lulz they have their own private executive swimming pool.
Sepw: Nicer than the one we make.
Me: *picks up a hermit crab* Oh look! Its Angelina Jolie!


Hoe: You know, i saw this documentary of this girl who went sat in the water.  A fish swam up her AHEM and laid eggs there.
Me: Ewwww... Didn't she feel it?? Or did she get turned on or something??
Hoe: Dunno!
Sepw: And then?
Hoe: And then operation la.
* awkward silence as everyone stares worriedly at approaching group of fish*


Then after that, went to Batu Lintang for my mum's early birthday celebration dinner. YAYYYY! Its amazing to think that this incredible human being was the one who raised a nutcase like me. God, i love that woman to bits even if she's naggy and all sometimes. Mess with her and i'll break every single bone in your body. My mum is the epitome of coolness and she rocks my non-existent balls! Even if she's 1 year older now. xD

Hmmm.. i'm pretty sure a lot more stuff happened but i just can't seem to remember them right now. Graaaaa i need sleep.

I'm in the mood to be random now, so i'll just blather on about anything that comes to my mind.


Dear Twister Fries,

Ohhhhh i just fuckin hate you. Once again, you and that idiotic Strawberry Sundae have succeeded in making me feel like whale blubber. So not the sexay. The worse part is at the end of the day, i still think you're God-sent. The nearest i'll ever come to perfection. And at the moment, i can't seem to think of eating anything else but you. Crunchily forbidding on the outside, but all soft and fluffy on the inside. I don't know why but most people seem to prefer that be-damned French Fries (skinnier but same amount of calories). Its absolutely ridiculous! Its so obvious that you alone are the rockstar potato, the spud of the century! You, in all your curly goodness! Yes, you're so good that i don't need to use ketchup. Or any other sauce for that matter! The only other thing better than you would be Big Mac. With extra pickles and Pepsi. Ahhhh bliss. Now don't get me wrong, i love you so utterly much. But i love the Big Mac so utterly much-er! Sorry, but nothing could ever compare to grilled beef patties in buns. Oh wait, i kinda forgot about Fillet-O-fish but whatever. That was last season. Anywayz, hope to hear from you soon . I'll be at my weighing scale if you ever need me.

Love,
Fat Bitch.

I finally got my fangs/snakebites today!!!!!!  AHEM.

"Have you ever been in love?"

"As in like the movies kind of love? The LURVEEEE love?"

"Yes the deep kind."

"...... No...."


For the first time in my 18 years of life, the gigantic lightbulb in my head switched on. And at that moment, i realized how naive i was in matters of the heart. Now, in my definition, love is subjective. Love is something you might not be able to stand but can NEVER live without. To fall for someone is like getting hit by a train, but it feels so good that you keep coming back for more! You go into overdrive whenever you see him/her, getting all flushed and tongue-tied the moment they come closer. Even the simplest things like a 'Hi' or a smile from that special someone makes your day. And to love that someone means giving unconditionally, even if that person may not give back. He/she is all you can think about. No one else could make you feel, want or need this much.

But you know what's the irony in all of this?

The fact that i've never actually fallen. Not in that sort of sense. Yet, here i am with all these grand ideas of something i don't even understand.

LULZ!

Cupid got me good a lot of times. I'd be completely and utterly smitten by a hot random guy, which would then cause me to stalker-ishly go around trying to find ways to talk to him. In the end when i succeed, i usually wonder why i ever fantasized about him in the first place! xDDD Yes, boys. One minute you're orgasmic, and the next you're just spastic. Thats the shallow side of me. Men are fishes. So why let your first fish of the day stick to your frying pan when there's plenty more in the sea! Like that cute Grunge guy i saw during ER. I waved a bar of chocolate in the air, shouted "WHO WANT?" and then slowly made my way over to the wall he was leaning against. While giving everybody their share, of course! Can't make it THAT obvious ba. :D I think his name was Alvin or Calvin or something like that la and he was 24. I told him he looked younger. Which doesn't matter coz i can't even remember how he looks like anymore. Haha!

But sometimes i'd meet an unexpected guy, in the most unexpected of circumstances and end up liking him much longer than expected. In situations like these i might not even DARE look him in the eye, let alone strike up a one-to-one conversation! I'll just keep everything to myself and continue liking him from afar. Thank God this doesn't happen often but when it does, i can get pretty obsessive. It took me ONE WHOLE FUCKIN YEAR to work up the courage to say Hi to this certain guy. I barely managed to spit it out! We became good friends and i was soooo into him (Secretly. Duhh.) for another 2 more years! Then one day i stopped because i grew out of him. LOL. Oh well life goes on. :D

So how do you exactly define these two feelings i get? It sure as hell isn't love, that i know! Obsession? Nymphomania? Infatuation maybe?

CONCLUSION: I iz robot. I have no fuzzy wuzzy feelings.


I was just thinking. And the sick feeling in my stomach that i've been having for months just got a lot worse. What if we were just caught up in the moment? And.. what if you were just another infatuation?

Shit. 

I'm in the mood to be an upper thigh hole now.

Recently, i was annoyed by a certain dickhead who shall remain annonymous for specific reasons. I probably have no right to judge him in the first place. But have you ever disliked someone and you don't know why? All it takes is one look and you know you'll hate his or her guts for the rest of your life. Well thats how it is with me.

Apparently, this rat from the sewers had the nerve to bitch about stuff that had nothing to do with him in the first place! I mean wtf you're not even from the same planet , you mindless Ah Beng! And don't get me started on his scumbag sense of humour or his porno pictures. Trust me, if you thought mushrooms and paramecium were the lower life forms, think again.

Every time i see this dickhead, I go into sadistic Oompa Loompa mode. i feel like pulling off all his pubic hair. I want to stuff belacan up his ass and grate him to pieces with a vegetable grater. I want to stuff his head into the toiletbowl. I have delightful fantasies of me flatenning him with a steamroller. And would you believe it if i told you that someone like him actually has a girlfriend? A pretty one, for that matter?

Oh well. Less available jerks=More single hotties. :D


Nothing much happened today. Me and Doreen had to go around getting ppl to fill our MCS survey on sex. Sherry couldn't go because she was too busy resting her tired legs at Wings. The hoe made the cut! They were narrowing it down to the last 5 female models and she got picked. We iz impressed! All she has to do now is kill some braincells so she can catwalk like Naima The Grrrr.



So terpaksa la the both of us go to St Joseph and St Teresa secondary school. Definitely a good experience. My Bahasa Sarawak speaking-skills are getting better! Oh oh and we cuci mata!!! There was this ang moh kid and i think he's around 16. Omg yes, i know its WRONG TO THE MAX but that boy was so the panas! And anyway, there can only be one outcome when a Perverted Oompa Loompa meets the Sexually Frustrated Pirate Woman:

PEDOPHILLIA.

Luckily we didnt add in The Mad Hoe. It would probably become:

GANG BANG.

We iz bad animal. Doctorr say, it not norrmalz. :DDDD Ahhhhh he was blonde, green-eyed and AND he had a cute German accent. 3 irresistable combinations in my opinion. And it didnt help the fact that he kinda looked like a cross-bred product of Jude Law and Chris Martin!





Okay so maybe i over-exaggerated a teensy weensy bit but thats basically a rough description of our underaged German hottie. I iz wanting to rape his ass now. :)  Damnnnnn we should have just kidnapped him and brought him back to campus! Then we sexii time on camera and we can call the video, "ONE NIGHT IN LIMKOKWING".

Okay okay i'll stop now before someone washes my mouth with chlorox and holy water. I should even make it a point to go for confession. I can already see myself kneeling in the dark confessional, baring my soul to the priest.

"Bless me Father, for i have sinned. I had orgasmic thoughts."

"And did you entertain them?"

"No Father, they entertained me."

I'm sooo gonna go to hell. :D

 Today was the AIDS One Life thingy which the LKW students volunteered for. It was pretty fun and they gave us free condoms. So now, we are READY AND ABLE. :DD

Unfortunately, some retarded butt-ugly mutated balls motherFs decided to steal the hoe's phone. I hope someone butchers them and flush the remains down the toiletbowl. I mean wtf, don't you have anything else better to do?? Like buttsexing or whatever it is you drag queens do. And why her phone?? Its the most so not the sexay gadget ever! Steal la my prehistoric VINTAGE one so i can get a Nokia N82!!

Eat fucker eat!!! This has got to stop. I have no intention of looking like this.



Buttttttt there are a few things that i really really want to do right now.

1) Suck out all my tummy fat with the vacuum cleaner. Its fast, its free and its enviroment-friendly!

2) Eat ALL the snacks in the fridge. Maybe if there's nothing left, i'll stop binging. :D

3) Go for a night jog around my neighbourhood. I'll keep running all night long until every blob of fat drops off!

Except my boobs of course. I need them.

LOL i just had a very random and disturbing thought about Pamela Anderson. Have you seen the size of that woman's rack?? Even without them sillicon implants, it looks HUGEEEEEEEE!

Ohmahfuckengad. Procrastination has once again lead me to my death. I've got to hand up my Media, Culture and Society assignment TOMORROW and look what i'm doing.

I was too scared to hijack the plane today. Damn, i miss those two sexay retards already.. =(

Tung Tung Chiang season has taken a toll on my original resolve to stick to Theme No. 3: CONTROL.


I just couldn't lay off the keropok. Steff had to make matters by giving me TWO jars of her grandma's glorious Achah!

I just had an epiphany. I have too much shit in my life.

Therefore, i've decided that its time to flush the toilet bowl, get rid of the negative junk and start over as someone new.

Someone better.

As horribly flawed as i am, this is the real me, take it or leave it.

Would changing myself for the better mean losing my sense of identity? It took me my whole life as it is to find myself. Am i throwing all that away?

Just for one shot at perfection in my eyes?


Guess there's only one way to find out.

So, for one whole month i will be doing these 5 things to detoxificate myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. EVERYDAY.

CREATE
CONTROL
COMMIT
CRUNCH
CRASH

I'm starting tomorrow. Wish me luck.

ZOMFG. For the first time in history, I, Chrislynn Siaw, got my ass up at 6.OO AM because i was EXCITED. To EXERCISE.

Excited.
Exercise.

2 words that should never ever be used in the same sentence for positive purposes.

My alarm was set to go off at 6.30 AM but i ended up waking THIRTY FRIGGIN MINUTES EARLIER. Curse you, biological clock. Anyways i brushed my teeth and did all the other shit you're supposed to do in the mornings. And about one and a half hours later( my mum overslept), we flew off to Resevoir park!